Happy Happy HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Are you super-outrageously motivated to SLAY your new year’s resolutions?? Whatever they may be— “bucket list” wishes, career dreams— NOW is perhaps the BEST time of the whole year to “put it in writing”, to map out your plans, to tackle those big goals. Go big or go home. But, sometimes, we run into problems with them.
Let me paint the picture… It often goes like this…
We START. (Yeah!)
We make a little PROGRESS! (Double yeah!)
And then… SPLAT.
Life gets in the way.
We become derailed… often, it’s by everyday life stuff. And, the goal falls off the radar. Sometimes, existing (conflicting) habits crowd out the space we attempt to make for the NEW ones. Or, we simply begin sinking in the overwhelm of it all.
The goal, large as it is, has swelled up to quadruple-size in our heads, like a dry sponge dropped in water… and it starts to seem impossible to accomplish!
Then, it’s GOOD-BYE, RESOLUTION! We RUN in the opposite direction… then go on about our everyday lives, as though it were all a bad dream.
That Day Will Come.
On that day, we face ourselves. We face the failed resolution. We recognize it for what it is— self-sabotage. Our own faults lay bare. And, we begrudgingly accept the poetic humanity of it all. We shrug our shoulders and finally, we move on with our tail between our legs for a little while, until the memory gets covered by a veil of dust. Or, after a bit, we steel ourselves to bravely strive for our elusive goal, one. more. time… only to fall victim to another round of loserville.
HOW do we fix what’s broken?
(and HOW do we even KNOW what’s broken?)
DO NOT FRET!
Let’s look at some of the reasons we mess up on reaching our resolutions in the FIRST place. Then, we can FINALLY make some headway… and make those resolutions a REALITY.
Are you WITH me, now? LET’S DO THIS!!
In no particular order… here are
Broken Resolution archetypes… and HOW to FIX them
The “I DIDN’T HAVE TIME”
Let’s be honest here: You didn’t MAKE the time. Right? Right.
Don’t beat yourself up about it, that’s not gonna change anything. Instead, ask yourself WHY you didn’t make the time. The goal was important enough to make a big, sweeping, new year’s commitment to, but it wasn’t prioritized with the same resolve.
Ask yourself why. WHY didn’t you MAKE the time? Be honest with yourself. You owe yourself that much! Once you have the answer to THIS question, you can dive in and figure out your next steps.
The “DEAD END”
The “Dead End” can happen when we did not give proper planning to the “mini-tasks” we need to accomplish, in order to reach the main goal. And then, we run into one of these “mini-tasks”… and it’s less of a mini-task and becomes more of a “maxi-task”. In fact, that pesky little “maxi-task” becomes a MAJOR issue.
We lose our sense of humor, and with it, our ability to roll with the punches. We can’t pivot. We’re paralyzed. That mini-task becomes this HUGE roadblock, throws us off our ENTIRE game, and turns us into unrelentingly inflexible people who simply cannot get out of our own way to save our life (OR to RESCUE our RESOLUTION)!
To illustrate an example, let’s say your resolution is to D.I.Y build-design-everything your new website in WordPress.
Say you’ve come to an impasse where you don’t know how to do something, or something’s broken. You’ve tried everything— you’ve googled the issue, looked it up on YouTube, read forums. But, no dice. You KNOW you need help, but you can’t (correction: you WON’T) bring yourself to seek out the appropriate support, because part of your entire goal was to D.I.Y. it! Your head replays the “It’s too expensive!” and ” I don’t wanna hire someone to do that, when I can do it myself” songs — but — Newsflash!— YOU’RE NOT doing it yourself. Because you’re at a complete standstill and cannot move forward.
Don’t allow yourself to become inflexible with regards to solving the larger goal by getting hung up on a detail. In this example, your goal is to build your web site. It’s now sitting, half-built and on life support, in danger of abandonment. Now, you originally planned to D.I.Y. it, but you got sidetracked and now, you can’t see past your nose.
But listen! You still can continue to D.I.Y. it— once you get a little help from a qualified expert. You’ll get you past this rough patch and move forward stronger (and ask them how they fixed the issue, so you’ll know for next time). And, who knows? Maybe you’ll find the perfect helper guru who you’ll be able to count on for future fire drills!
The “SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM”
This is when your resolution is secretly in service to someone else, NOT yourself. This one will require some in we investigation to solve. Why? Because most people probably wouldn’t be consciously doing this. But, it happens. Under the right conditions, it probably wouldn’t be too difficult to fool ourselves into thinking it’s OUR goal we are pursuing, at least for awhile.
But when the motivation behind a goal is to check a box on someone else’s list, it always backfires.
Hey look— you may actually reach the goal. However, it may ALSO be served up with a heapin’ helpin’ of resentment towards that certain someone else. No thanks!
Look a little deeper at YOUR OWN desires, and your reasons BEHIND them. Why did you chose to pursue the goal in the first place? If you discover that you really don’t care about reaching the goal but someone close to you— someone whose opinion you care deeply about— DOES care about your goal (and, let’s be honest, OVERLY cares about it), this one could be your answer.
There are so many sensitive situations in which this archetype could occur, there’s really no easy fix. Just use your best judgement— be balanced and kind (basically, be yourself), but remain rooted in your own truth and values. Just… do the best you can do here!
The “SHOULD vs. WANT”
For whatever reason, you THINK YOU SHOULD accomplish the goal, more than YOU’RE TRULY, AUTHENTICALLY (< — sorry) MOTIVATED to.
Is “everyone else” doing it, and, for whatever reason, you think YOU should do it, too?
For example, let’s take video!
Committing to creating videos consistently (and posting them live) is something you would LOVE to “be able” to do. Hey, maybe you want to stay on the forefront of social media, and video’s not going anywhere, so there you go. Totally valid reason to get into it! Totally get it! Totally makes sense! But… Number one— say you don’t know the FIRST thing about the logistics or technical details behind creating videos. (Eek.) Number two— say you’re not sure if your personality can accommodate that level of regular exposure. (Yikes.)
Conclusion: If you’re over-reaching BEFORE you even know WHAT you’re reaching FOR, then SHOULD vs. WANT could be the culprit.
“Test the waters” of the new idea first. You have to walk before you can run, right?
Before committing yourself to becoming the most prolific, visible, funny, superstar-stupendous YouTuber in the world, make it your resolution to LEARN THE MEDIUM and all that goes along with that.
Study the culture. Figure out the tools. Learn how to make videos, with your phone, and with your camera (if you have one). Explore what is available to you! And, make it your goal just to simply “get comfortable” on video. No commitments, no schedules, just to get comfortable.
Disclaimer: When you are immersing yourself in this way, try to stay IN the “discovery-learning-inspiration” zone, and OUT of the “self-criticism-judgmental” zone. Otherwise, you can get hung up on silly details that can sink your vibe.
DO set benchmarks for yourself to reach these smaller goals, to keep the river flowing. As you go along, see how much (or how little) you enjoy what you are doing. Hey, if it leaves you feeling dead inside, you can feel good scrapping it with the knowledge that you really gave it your all. (This is not “failure”, by the way! This is self-awareness!) But! If you find video really grows on you, then your confidence with it will grow too! And, you’ll be well on your way!!
The “I’M NOT READY”
Certain goals can be WAY outside our comfort zone! Now, don’t get me wrong—THIS IS AWESOME! CONGRATULATIONS!!
…However! When you’re REALLY excited and motivated to learn something SO new, SO fresh, and SO ambitious— you can easily misjudge the “warm up period” you need to get acclimated.
Whether it be a new workflow, medium, group of tools you need to start using, or whatever, there is a personal-comfort breaking-in period. The larger the goal is… well, you know where I’m going with this. Learning new stuff can be TOTALLY AH-MAA-ZING, BUT, the resulting GROWING PAINS can be consistent and, at times, severe. Often, when we commit, we’re not thinking about that. (Which is actually GOOD! If we were to skeptically trouble-shoot every new ambition before jumping in, we’d never get anywhere! But I digress…)
When THIS is where you are, you’re in I’M NOT READY land.
To actually TAKE a FLYING LEAP with a humongous new goal, you have to be in— or gain access to— a certain state of mind— one where you are not only educated in your new “thing”, but you’re really mentally “there”. And, you are REALLY READY.
…And, SOMETIMES, that “readiness” takes LONGER than expected and can be accompanied by some unexpectedly COMPLICATED and MESSY side-effects. (Been there! Trust!)
Like SHOULD vs. WANT, you have to WALK before you can RUN. (However, in this case, you can just dial that up a couple notches.) When it’s a REALLY huge “thing” you’re resolving to slay, really give yourself a fair shake. Get the educational structure you need (take a good class), get the support you need (find, join or create an accountability group), and give yourself the “space” ( …every kind of space you might need… ) to absorb, learn, practice, and to assimilate your new “thing”.
Down the road, make a goal to complete a finished, final project with your newfound skills. (Stick to a self-imposed deadline, too. Give yourself “space”, but don’t slack off, now!)
But always trust your own pace, because ONLY YOU know HOW YOU LEARN, BETTER than ANYONE else. So, check in with yourself to see how things are going. If you need to take a little break from one element of your goal/learning for awhile, honor that, and go concentrate on another aspect of your goal for awhile instead! 😀
Now, if you are feeling torn in two, trying to NOT become overwhelmed by all of the steps required in your effort to achieve your BIG, MAJOR, GARGANTUAN GOAL, it is VERY likely because you are being forced out of your comfort zone in a GIGANTIC way.
Now, if you are really hating every minute of it, you may be dealing with SHOULD vs. WANT instead of I’M NOT READY. HOWEVER, if your desire to move forward is strong and clear, take a breath and move on FORWARD with your awesome BRAVERY! ( And, dare I say? You’re doing GREAT!!!)
Final word: The more we investigate WHERE we go wrong in attempting to accomplish our goals the FIRST TIME around, the less likely we are to REPEAT our past missteps… and, the QUICKER we will be able to GET BACK ON THE UNICORN and SLAY those RESOLUTIONS like CRAZY!!
I KNOW YOU can do it!! (REALLY!!)
Now go forth and SLAY!
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR!
(Feel free to add your own archetypes to this list, in the comments!)